Finally had a chance to read this through - I am just so sorry this happened!!! And so impressed that through it all you are maintaining your positive glow. Cheers to you. And fuck that guy.
<3 Appreciate your kind words as always, Becca. Truth be told, I've been meeting this guy in various incarnations all throughout my life, and I've been no angel when it comes to judging myself and others, either. It took me years to realize that there's no place in my life for this type of behavior, and it took this extreme situation + the unconditional love of some key others for me to realize that self-love is the only real path out of pretty much every form of darkness.
Some recent events have made me reflect both on this post and what you said during our class visit with Sonora... I haven't been able to write all summer due to a combination of stressors (unemployment, grief, ADD, etc.), but I got a job offer ON THE EQUINOX and am starting an Editing Certificate program at University of Washington Monday. Suddenly, I can write! And immediately, I went, "wow, I'm going to be so busy this year, and I frittered away all my time FREE of a job being anxiety-riddled, obsessively pessimistic, and drowned in self-loathing... damn, this is what Rafael is talking about!" So now I am making efforts towards lasting, internally-motivated happiness. I guess that's easier to do with the promise of financial stability and NOT having to move back home to Boise, Idaho. Still. My glasses have a slightly blue tint... I'm definitely keeping them, because my favorite color is blue, but I will start thinking with a pinker tint. Including guardrails. – Ariel
Finally had a chance to read this through - I am just so sorry this happened!!! And so impressed that through it all you are maintaining your positive glow. Cheers to you. And fuck that guy.
<3 Appreciate your kind words as always, Becca. Truth be told, I've been meeting this guy in various incarnations all throughout my life, and I've been no angel when it comes to judging myself and others, either. It took me years to realize that there's no place in my life for this type of behavior, and it took this extreme situation + the unconditional love of some key others for me to realize that self-love is the only real path out of pretty much every form of darkness.
Some recent events have made me reflect both on this post and what you said during our class visit with Sonora... I haven't been able to write all summer due to a combination of stressors (unemployment, grief, ADD, etc.), but I got a job offer ON THE EQUINOX and am starting an Editing Certificate program at University of Washington Monday. Suddenly, I can write! And immediately, I went, "wow, I'm going to be so busy this year, and I frittered away all my time FREE of a job being anxiety-riddled, obsessively pessimistic, and drowned in self-loathing... damn, this is what Rafael is talking about!" So now I am making efforts towards lasting, internally-motivated happiness. I guess that's easier to do with the promise of financial stability and NOT having to move back home to Boise, Idaho. Still. My glasses have a slightly blue tint... I'm definitely keeping them, because my favorite color is blue, but I will start thinking with a pinker tint. Including guardrails. – Ariel